The night before we leave for China to bring our baby girl home....Going to my Dad's to have dinner....I get into the car....turn on the radio....Immediately, Matchbox 20 comes on with "unwell". Well that just about does me in. It's a song which reminds me most of my Mom's illness and passing. Even writing this, I can't hold back the tears, and the keyboard become blurry.
The most important words for me:
I've been talking in my sleep. Pretty soon they'll come to get me. Yeah. They're taking me away. Well I'm not crazy. I'm just a little unwell. I know you can't tell. But stay a while and maybe then you'll see a different side of me. I'm not crazy. I'm just a little impaired. I know right now you don't care. But soon enough you're gonna think of me and how I used to be. Yeah, How I used to be. How I used to be. Yeah. Well I'm just a little unwell. How I used to be. A little unwell. How I used to be. I'm just a little unwell........
We lost my Mom to lung cancer short of 5 1/2 years ago. She was my best friend, my confidant, and we did everything together. She was my biggest champion for our china adoption, and was so excited to have a new grand-daughter.
It devistates me that she is not here to see our process reach it's completion, and I miss her terribly.
Even though songs have a specific theme, sometimes part of a song, or certain words fit other situations.
In the case of my Mom, cancer was taking her away from us. Sometimes, I would hear her talking in her sleep. All she wanted to be was a little unwell, and, I feel that as time went by she would want us to think of her as how she used to be.......more tears as I write this....
I will always cherish and hold each and every memory of my Mom in my heart - good and bad - they are so very precious, and, I will pass them on to my daughter. It is the only way she will know her Grand-mother.