First. let me preface this by saying I do not mean to offend anyone by this post.  (that's never a good sign is it?)

I do understand that speaking the adoption language is much more difficult for those who have not adopted but sometimes what a non-adoptive stranger says can be highly offensive, even when it's not meant to be.

One day I was picking Jenna up to take her to Dallas for a check-up and a stranger walked in with someone I knew, so we started talking (the non-stranger and I).   So as I was about to leave the stranger asks..."Is she yours?"  And just when I was about to answer she then asks, "or is she adopted?"  Ummmm.....nice thoughts, nice thoughts so I said very slowly because she caught me off guard with her very nosy question, "yeeeessss, she is mine and yes, she is adopted."  I'm sorry but is there a difference?  Then she tries to make it better by saying, "well, what I meant was is she your natural daughter?"  What!?!  I could only stare at the other person standing there and change the subject.  (I did get some excellent advice on some adoption websites...natural? nope she's fake-thought that one was cute.)

The whole conversation bothered me for a couple of days.  I mean really, is she any less my daughter because she's adopted?  It has to be an either/or question?  Again, Jeff and I had to prove we could be parents, biological parents do not.  We went through intensive scrutiny, several fingerprints for USCIS, medical testing for HIV, Hepatitus, TB and an assortment of other contagious diseases.  How many vials of blood drawn and how many cups did we urinate in?  We had to make sure we had life insurance, healthy hearts, livers, kidneys-you name it we had to do it and prove it.  Then we had to document tax returns, incomes, debt -all to prove we could financially afford to be parents.  Then we had to go back through our lives and tell our life history to ensure we're not so messed up that we can't be parents-very personal and intrusive questioning.  Criminal history checked-locally, state and federally.  We had to prove our house was big enough for another child and that it was safe enough to live in.  We had to explain our parenting philosophy, discipline philosophy, where she would be going to daycare-you name it, we had to explain it.  I don't see any biological parents going through this-proving they can parent their children.  And yet, we still get these questions.

Would I have cried more or been more scared when we were in China and she became so sick, if she had come out of my body?  My heart, my body-somebody tell me the difference.  Would I be doing more for her if she had come out of me?  Would I love her more?  Ridiculous.  She is my child-it's that simple.

And yes I am on my soapbox about this.  I actually do enjoy talking about adoption with most everyone and I think most of the time I handle personal questions very well, but sometimes, every once in awhile it just gets tiresome when the thoughtless questions come out and from strangers no less. 

So, is she yours or is she adopted?

yes.