A new kind of "Normal" and a moment of weakness
Last night I picked Brooke up from dance class and on the way home we were talking about things starting to feel "normal" again. When Brea was hospitalized in February the kids had to give up their after school activities. Brooke has taken dance since she was three and Baker had been taking karate for over a year so it was a lot to ask of them but they handled it like troopers and didn't even complain. Well, Brooke is back in dance and Baker is back in Tae Kwon Do. Mom's taxi is back in business and it feels great! Yes, life is feeling somewhat normal again...it is a new kind of normal but it is our normal.
We received bad news today. We knew that Danny's company was going to offer a second health insurance option for 2008 and we were under the impression that if we changed to the new plan Brea's life time maximum would start over. Well, today we learned that her life time maximum will remain and carry over to the new plan because Carquest is self insured. That means that we now need to look at our options including state funded programs and see if we can qualify for any of them to cover the cost of Brea's medicines and care once the little bit of insurance we have is gone. It felt so good to not worry about all this even if it was just for a few weeks. I just told someone last night that I felt I had aged 10 years over the last 8 months but as of today I think that number has doubled! Please pray that God will lead us in the right direction and that North Carolina will have a program of some sort for us.
Have you ever had one of those days where you just felt like every time you stood up the wind knocked you back down again? Well, on top of the devastating insurance news I read an article on pediatric transplant patients that was less than encouraging. The article was about a study of 70 patients followed over the last twenty years. Out of those patients 6% died within the first 30 days, 84% survived the first year, 65% survived five years and 53% survived 10 years. I've heard all the statistics before but for some reason those numbers hit me hard today. As I read the article my eyes filled with tears and as hard as I tried I just was not able to contain them. I can't remember the last time I cried like that and I'm not even sure that it was solely about the article. I try to stay positive and try to keep my chin up but some days are just harder than others and today was one of them. Of course Danny was there to remind me that none of us are promised tomorrow and we have to enjoy every single day that God gives us with each of our children.
Recently I've been playing catch up. I missed a few birthdays while Brea was in the hospital and recovering and I was recently reminded of it (not that I had completely forgotten but there just never seem to be enough hours in the day these days). I've always been really good about getting birthday cards out on time and packages shipped long before they needed to be there but here lately, I find that by the time the bills are paid and I've fought with the insurance company on the phone for hours on end I just don't have time to tend to all the other things that need to be done Besides, when I do have free time I find myself outside on the swings with the kids or sitting in the floor with Brea playing with puzzles or blocks. I'm truly sorry if I've hurt any feelings, it was not my intention to do so. I promise that I will catch up and try to be more punctual from now on.
OK, the pity party is over and I'm feeling much better now. Thanks for listening and please, remember us in your prayers.